im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
