My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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