last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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