margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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