I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found the puke drawer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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