And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
