The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
