Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is why we're friends.

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(314): View more from Missouri

you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

How bad is the voicemail?

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

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(440): View more from Ohio

If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands

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(913): View more from Kansas

You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.

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(949): View more from California

I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs

Fav 0 109 8
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