I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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