I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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