my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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