I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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