I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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