Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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