you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
