Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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