The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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