i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
