I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
