dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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