you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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