Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
