Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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