my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Come on in and take your pants off
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