you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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