The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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