It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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