i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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