just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't turn off my feet"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize