My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
