how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
