dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
