did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
