ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
