Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize