Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
