I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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