every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
