I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I look better un-naked...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
