I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
