So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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