Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
