Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
