I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
