just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
