They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
