I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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