he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
