Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
