He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
