i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize