Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
