apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
