all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its liver damage thursday
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
