youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
