My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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