I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize