Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
