Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
