so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
