You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize