You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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