Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
