So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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