What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
