Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
