hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
