Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize