I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
