I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
