i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
