Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
