My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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