Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
