Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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