Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Please don't give away my fajitas
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